Sometimes I take off my clothes & stand in front of the mirror & look at everything I hate
I'll pinch & scratch & slap
I want to love this vessel I'm in
But this body doesn't feel like mine.
It feels like something you ruined that I'm trapped in.
Maybe that's why sometimes I damage this vessel with
Scissors & staples & knives.
Like I want to right now.
All the breathing exercises & distractions in the world can't remove this looming pain I hold
I can feel my whole body trying to fight this feeling
You're not worth the motherfucking energy I spend fighting it
Scissors & staples & knives.
Everytime you speak or cough or sniff or sneeze I want to take a baseball bat & smash your stupid face in
But you're not worth going to jail for..
MY HEAD'S TO THE WALL & I'M LONELY
I'm doomed
There's no light at the end of the damn tunnel.
{copyright 2018 madame-santana.}