scissors & staples & knives.

march 5 2018.

1:14 am.

Sometimes I take off my clothes & stand in front of the mirror & look at everything I hate

I'll pinch & scratch & slap

I want to love this vessel I'm in

But this body doesn't feel like mine.

It feels like something you ruined that I'm trapped in.

Maybe that's why sometimes I damage this vessel with

Scissors & staples & knives.

Like I want to right now.

All the breathing exercises & distractions in the world can't remove this looming pain I hold

I can feel my whole body trying to fight this feeling

You're not worth the motherfucking energy I spend fighting it

Scissors & staples & knives.

Everytime you speak or cough or sniff or sneeze I want to take a baseball bat & smash your stupid face in

But you're not worth going to jail for..


I'm doomed

There's no light at the end of the damn tunnel.

{copyright 2018 madame-santana.}